• We start by agreeing that I can interrupt if an argument begins. This includes interrupting interruptions. People bicker when they can't fully air their concerns.
• Having each partner talk to me instead of each other
• Split sessions where I see each partner individually and then meet with both together

• Communication training—includes teaching time-outs, limiting the duration of arguments, etc. Communication techniques act as "training wheels" while the couple improves trust and rapport.
• Research findings and reading suggestions
• Reflecting back the pattern of a couple's arguments (see below)
• Offering feedback and recommendations about differing needs for togetherness and individuality

• Detailed questionnaires that identify issues
• Homework assignments that respect personal style and time limitations
• Pre-scheduled extended sessions to get things resolved
• When the time is right, discussion of issues where strong feelings are involved — I always give a respectful and fair hearing to each partner, even if we may focus temporarily on the issue of one of you.

• Trading accusations
• Diagnosing your partner
• Repeating old complaints
• Unloading many issues at once, which muddies the waters
• Continuing to push when one or both are emotionally flooded
• Getting tongue-tied under pressure
• Saying hurtful things when angry
• Emotional blackmail
• Continuing arguments that are getting nowhere
• Making compromises motivated by guilt
• Insisting on resolving every single complaint (not letting some things go)
• Substance abuse that makes either party overly emotional, irrational or oblivious in a discussion
• Building tensions by sweeping too many issues under the rug

I could add many other instances to this list. The point is that by interrupting arguments and working together in therapy to understand their pattern, many couples reach resolution where previously they were stuck.

Getting Started

Many relationship difficulties seem like emergencies but quickly yield to calm, objective information. If yours is one that’s often quickly resolved, I’ll let you know right away to ease your concerns. Other situations may seem straightforward on the surface. Yet some of these suggest deeper, longstanding difficulties. All initial appointments are arranged through a brief phone call so I can get a general sense of the issues you're addressing. I also ask questions to make sure that your needs are likely to fit within my scope of practice (areas of training and expertise). If those issues are outside my scope of practice, instead of meeting, I try to offer referrals to therapists or community resources with the appropriate specialization.

The list of issues above is by no means complete. If yours is one I haven’t listed, call me at 415.271.2350 to discuss its possible treatment and resolution. There’s no charge for the phone call or for an initial consultation if we decide to meet. 24-hour notice is required to reschedule the no-charge visit once only. I welcome people of any race, religion, or sexual preference. (Please note that I'm not on any insurance panels, although some insurance companies may reimburse you for my services as an out-of-network provider. For more about fees and third-party payment, select this link.)

*Situations That May Require Other Resources

In some situations, your needs may require referral to a specialist who can supplement our work or who may have training or qualifications that are better suited to your needs. Some cases need more intensive treatment or a coordinated response of more than one practitioner or agency. An individual, private practitioner is not always the best resource for treating crisis situations or those that may require medical, psychiatric or law enforcement interventions.